I was broken, I got average marks in my boards, I fucked up the competitive exams. I was sad, I really was. If you’re not getting over 90% you will not get good college or branch which you aspire for that’s how it is. I was depressed, I didn’t talk to anyone, I locked myself in a room and I cried. I cried a lot. My family lost faith in me. I was all alone. I was left behind. Nobody was there for support or with whom I could talk to. I blamed my parents, I blamed myself, I blamed Facebook, I blamed my friends, I blamed the girl who didn’t
I blamed my parents, I blamed myself, I blamed Facebook, I blamed my friends, I blamed the girl who didn’t say ‘yes’. I blamed a hell lot of people. I was searching for problems which were not there. I was searching reasons to cry.I didn’t know what was right. I was as helpless as an infant caterpillar in a nest of hungry ants. There was no way out of the daily ridicule of parents or listening about the successes of friends. Yes, it hurt, I know, but it hurt badly whenever I talked to a friend and they talked about how they can get admissions in top colleges in India.
Somehow, I don’t know luck or destiny, I got admission in a good (well according to my marks it is) college. I thought I will study damn hard this time. But I didn’t. That’s how I was.I think something changed in me. I didn’t care about marks now. Because everyone with a lot of expectations earlier was not expecting anything. My dad lost faith in me. It was the first time, I was feeling some mental freedom without any expectations. Still, the pressure helped me in studying.
Points to take:
- Talk to someone if you feel depressed, don’t keep it in. If you don’t have anyone(which is rare) you can message me.
- At one point of time, you will have to stop with the blames and accept your responsibility. This point will be life changer because this is the point your growth will start.
- Some amount of pressure is good. Remember this. (from my favorite Manga- BabySteps)
Pressure comes from the urge of victory, anger won’t lead to victory.Devastation <-> Anger <-> Pressure <-> Challenge
But as I was a free bird, I tried different things, I devoted my study time in being creative on social media. I was managing some big pages at this time (more than 4M likes plus). I love when people liked or shared my posts, I loved when the post went viral, I loved when people laugh at my posts. I loved making people happy. I loved Facebook because there I can make my audience sad or happy, I have the power. Somehow, It felt empowering. I learnt by trying. I did a lot of experiments on how to engage more people. Because I loved that. The craving of the neurotransmitters releasing from brain (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin) when I engaged more audience was extreme. I got addicted. I made a lot of pages with different ideas. I got obsessed with it.
Then I somehow got to know that you can earn from the Facebook Pages. Well, I had the tools ready, I spent a lot of time learning how to utilize pages to earn, my scores again took a dip and this time, I failed in one of the subjects. I got a backlog, but I was not sad, I surprised myself, I didn’t even care much about it. My parents again came into the picture, when my dad realized that I was earning a good amount of money on a regular basis he got worried that I might leave studies, so he forced me to stop and to focus on studies. I was mad. But Facebook unpublished a lot of pages in this period. Most of my pages was unpublished too. So, I gave up. I knew it was a wrong move but I thought I can blame my dad anytime if he said anything that he was the one who stopped me. I felt relieved, well I did get my dad to blame and for the right reasons.
Point to take:
- You’ll have to decide which path you want to follow. And if your happy hormones are released while doing that go for it.(unless it’s dope or something illegal then don’t follow it, you will land in jail)
- Obsession is good, it takes you to next level, obsessing about a goal helps you work for hours without getting bored or tired. Find something you’re obsessed about.
- Don’t find a reason to blame somebody else for your defeat, accept it and find other ways.
In my fourth semester, there was a teacher who taught molecular biology(sounds hard but it’s really awesome). I didn’t know why but I really loved that way of teaching. It was not like others who came and taught their syllabus and went or just read the slides and left. It was fun, I’ve never experienced it. I was always a person who ask a lot of questions on any topic. Most teachers get irritated by that but she wasn’t. I went to her once because I was all confused on what to do with myself, which path should I take. And she said to go for research and she added that I had the aptitude and attitude for it. It was a long time when anyone said that. I felt like I really have something. And I thought to give it a try. I ceased all online activity and read a lot of research papers, developed hypothesis, learned a lot of amazing things.
I was good at it. I am good at it. I can connect any number of dots and find a way. But something felt off. I never loved studying. I remember someone’s words, I don’t know who it was but it silently repeats itself on the back of my mind. “Sachin is great, not because he is talented but he spend a lot of hours practicing, somebody got a gold medal in Olympics not because he was born talented but he worked for it.(Some people are exceptional, still some amount to practice is needed) If you want to achieve something or clear an exam you will have to spend hours studying. And you will have to love it otherwise you will get bored and leave it in between.”
I never liked studying because it was limited, on exam days also I only read about what I liked, research papers I loved. But that’s not how it works. You will have to get good marks even for getting training or you should know someone there.Or you have to pay for it.
Points to take:
- Love what you do, if the situation doesn’t permit it. Find a way, there always is. Doing what you love will ensure your success also you will love every second of it.
- Do networking, it’s important. Don’t sit at side. Go for meetups join groups you love. Experience what you love and share it with others.
- No matter, how much you love someone or care about, you must and always follow what you love. You must accept the responsibility of your actions.
Now I am doing what I loved marketing, business development, social media marketing of startups in and outside India. And I love it. There’s still a long way to go. But when you don’t care about what anyone say about you life becomes easier. I love my family and friends. I love spending time with them. But I never let anyone force their aspirations on to me. I know somewhere in future there will be a setback. My parents and friends know that too, probably that’s why they want to stop me so that I don’t get hurt.
But I already got hurt, I have cried a lot, I was depressed, I have experienced all of it. I am not a superhero. It was bad. It’s like a shell you will have to re-evaluate your actions and you can only come out of it when you accept that it was you who was the reason and stop blaming anyone. Make peace with yourself. It’s when you choose yourself, you grow.
Point to take:
- It’s okay to cry sometimes to feel the pain.
- Love your family no matter what. And understand that they will never understand.
- When you choose yourself, the life will become amazing nothing will affect you. You will always be happy.
- We all are here to learn, society have a lot of time so they can spend it on you or whoever they want, but you know you’re here for the limited period so enjoy, love what you do and don’t give a fuck to anyone.
Always, Always Remember “ DON’T REACT BUT RESPOND”