I was depressed. I had nobody to talk to. I was alone. I cut off all my connections with my friends. I was too ashamed of what they will think of me. I was afraid they will make fun of me. I remembered the time when I was boasting around how can I top the exams and wished I’ve never said that. And I didn’t even realize when I became a victim of self-deprecation. To overcome self deprecation it took me years. I didn’t know what was happening. I stopped being happy because I was afraid bad things will happen and I would be ashamed and afraid again. I wrote all about my past in You’ve to fight your own battles! My Own Story.
The self-deprecation feeling was with me when I entered in college. I never allowed me to feel happiness, even if I achieved something remarkable. I was afraid, something bad will happen if I became happy. The world will conspire against me. I didn’t want to feel the pain of being alone and depressed again. My self-preservation instinct would kick in whenever I felt happy. I thought the best solution was to keep my mouth shut and be emotionless, be the same in every situation, no matter what. Many of us think the same isn’t it? I don’t know if it worked for you, but it didn’t work for me. My grades kept falling down. I felt worthless, I never felt a sense of accomplishment. I thought I was suffering from depression, I took the depression test online, boom, the result was that I was depressed and I should consult someone. We all know, in our country India, people take depression lightly. They would say things like ‘what are you depressed about you’re just 18’ and then laugh about it. Nobody takes it seriously. I was afraid again that my parents will make fun of me. And well, forget about the psychologist, that’s never gonna happen.
Points to take:
- You’ll feel sad, depressed, anxious and even self-deprecate yourself but you should always know there is way out.
- You must accept that there is a problem. Accepting make it easier to fight what is wrong.
- You’re the one who knows best about you. If you feel there is something wrong, figure it out and make it right. If your close one’s doesn’t help then find someone who will.
Journey To Overcome Self Deprecation
I’ve pretty good instincts and I always know whenever something is wrong with me. I think everybody have it, we just ignore it because to accept something is wrong is hard, it’s complex. But it’s something which is necessary. You’ve to accept that there is something wrong before you can weed it out. I knew that being emotionless and being afraid was not helping me.
I then came across a documentary called “The Secret” which I highly recommend. In the movie, they have mentioned the “law of attraction”. What you think, is what you get what. If you’ll have positive thoughts good will happen and vice-versa. This was in contrast with what I was doing, there were no emotions there and if there were then those were confusion, frustration and unhappiness. It was eye-opening, I tried it for few months, I think. And it worked fine then one day I failed in one of my exams, my big Facebook pages (more than 100k+ likes, which was a big deal, trust me) got blocked by Facebook. Same thing happened with many of my friends, it was in the end of 2013.
I was confused again, I doubted whatever I was doing. I accepted the defeat and gave in, I again became my old self, without emotions. One thing was always there though self-deprecation, after my boards exam, I never sold myself. I didn’t know how to overcome self deprecation. I think I never did justice to myself. I was surely better. What it did was that I never realized what level was I on and what steps should I take to get better.
When you feel happy, neurotransmitters are released by your brain and you want more of it. IT gives you the boost you need. It gets you addicted and always wanting more of it. This helps in achieving goals because when these neurotransmitters (dopamine and oxytocin) are released you feel less tired and more motivated towards your goal. It keeps you up at night doing what you do, to reach your goals and then feel happy about it. You can read more about it, on how it works in this post: Why We Do, What We do.
Points to take:
- Trust Yourself.
- Everything is contradictory, it’s up to you on what to follow and what to leave. But if doesn’t work, don’t hang on to it. Move to the next one.
- Neurotransmitters are necessary if you want to live your dreams, they will help you achieve their faster and you will enjoy the journey there.
- Try it, the thing which make your brain juices flow is the one which is meant for you.
Steps I took To Overcome Self Deprecation
So, I made some serious changes in my life and this time around it worked.
First off, I took ‘law of attraction’ teaching and included it in my schedule. Every day, I woke up with a smile and said to myself ‘today’s gonna be a great day’. It changed my mornings, I felt happy, refreshed. And believe when you start your day well, your day will go well. Even if there will be challenges you will be able to tackle them easily and faster than before.
Secondly, I tried an experiment. I was always fascinated by a story which probably most of us have heard the exact same or a version of it. “There was a boy, he got angry on small things and fought with his mother daily. So, his father asked him to hammer a nail in the wooden shed down the river every time he gets’s angry. On the first day, he hammered 7 nails, second day about the same, third day it went down and in a week time his anger was controlled“. I wanted to try this, so I made my version of it. I bought 4 different color bands, they were pretty tight and I could feel them on my skin. I put them all in my right hand. What I did was, I marked those 4 bands as self-deprecation, anxiety, depression and unusual attraction. Not literally, just remembered it in my mind. And whenever I felt any of the 4, I would put that band in my left hand. And whenever, I put that band in my left hand, I repeat to myself to be positive again and again. After an hour or so, when I felt better, I changed it from my left to right. I repeated it for a week on an hourly basis.
And after a week, I got better, I was positive all the time, even if something bad happens, I didn’t feel anxious or depressed. I removed my bands after some time and I still was the same positive person. I then realized it was not the nails or bands but the training your mind went through the process was the key. I can now guess whenever I self-depreciate and stop myself and mind start to give positive vibes. It is automated and it’s really awesome.
Thirdly, forget what anyone says about you. Respect your time, get involved in something bigger than caring about those backbiters. Your life is bigger than that. Work to achieve your goals, working can be fun, a lot of fun when you’re doing the thing you love.
This is what I did and it worked for me. Do share your views and what did you do to fight depression and how you overcome self deprecation.